so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
