i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
