Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
NoShamevember. You game?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
