Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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