Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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