The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
