There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
