I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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