so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
