No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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