I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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