At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
