$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
