Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
