can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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