I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
