Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
