I hate all girls vehemently.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
