I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
