I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
