a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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