We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need water and some morals
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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