remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
they're like a gay fantastic four
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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