Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
