my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
