i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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