i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
