i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it penis luge time yet?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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