Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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