Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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