you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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