hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
