Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
