how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
