Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
