if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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