Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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