Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you have to choose: penises or morals?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
