I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
