so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
