Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
