I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
