If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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