I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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