i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
