My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He felt like a one man threesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
