He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
