So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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