I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Boobs speak an international language.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
