I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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