Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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