i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
