Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
