SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
