I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
