Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
