For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
