Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
