Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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