Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
