I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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