need another drink. this is the easiest way
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
