Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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