Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
