She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
