when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
