who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
