I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
