I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
try to milk me bitch
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
