I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
