So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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