There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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