Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
