Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
